How to Lose a Board Member in 10 Easy Steps
(Or, How to Make Sure Your Board is a Revolving Door)
Who’s Bringing the Lasagna?
Every nonprofit leader dreams of building a committed, passionate board that’s deeply invested in advancing the mission. But what if... just maybe... your true goal is to drive your board members away faster than you can say “quorum”?
Well, you’re in luck! Whether you’re a well-meaning nonprofit exec who’s just tired of all these meddling volunteers, or simply curious about the secret formula for a boardroom exodus, we’ve got you covered.
Here’s your tongue-in-cheek guide to losing even the most dedicated board members with minimal effort. Just follow these 10 simple steps, and you’ll be well on your way to a board of one... you.
So, grab your notepad (or don’t, because, you know, we’re all about not being prepared), and let’s dive in! 😀
How to Lose a Board Member in 10 Easy Steps
(Or, How to Make Sure Your Board is a Revolving Door)
Have meetings without purpose. ✔
Meetings are the perfect time to... accomplish nothing at all! Who needs goals or actionable items? Just gather everyone around a table (or on Zoom), chit-chat for an hour, and call it "progress."Don’t stick to the agenda. 📃
Wait, you had an agenda? Don’t be constrained by such nonsense! It’s much more fun when every meeting turns into a free-for-all brainstorming session on unrelated topics. Bonus points if someone starts discussing their fantasy football team! 🏈Let everyone tell cute grandkid stories. 👶
Who needs financial reports when Bob’s grandson just learned how to say “truck”? Let’s allocate a good 15 minutes for each board member to share adorable anecdotes. Remember, the organization will still be here after snack time.Argue over whether tablecloths for an event should be white, ecru, or eggshell. 🎨
Make sure every decision—no matter how trivial—requires a deep, philosophical debate. Nothing says “we’re making an impact” like passionately debating shades of beige.When planning a strategy meeting, the first goal is to decide who is bringing the lasagna. 🥖
Forget about discussing your three-year strategic plan. The real priority? Who’s got the best recipe for garlic bread. And don’t you dare suggest store-bought!Make big plans with no follow-through. 🌏
Create a 10-point plan to solve world hunger, climate change, and your organization’s funding shortfall in one go... then never mention it again. The plan is the important part—execution is overrated.Fill the board with well-meaning inexperienced members. 🏠
If they seem like nice people and say, “I like to get out of the house sometimes,” they’re in! Extra points if they’ve never read a balance sheet, and double points if they think “restricted funds” are something that just means 'less fun spending’.Meet about the same topic over and over with no progress. 🤦♀️
The best meetings are like Groundhog Day. Keep revisiting the same issues without resolution. Who needs closure when you can have continuity?Build your board based on whether someone can fog a mirror. 😤
When in doubt, invite anyone who’s ever attended one of your fundraisers. The more inexperienced, the merrier! Qualifications? Nah. If they can hold a pen and sign their name, they’re perfect.Never say thank you. 🖐
Volunteers? What volunteers? If they were truly committed, they wouldn’t need recognition, right? Just assume everyone knows you’re grateful. It’s not like they’re devoting their personal time, energy, and expertise for free or anything.
Bonus Tip: Never, ever listen to feedback. 👂
If a board member suggests that the meetings could be more efficient or that maybe the organization should focus on its mission... clearly, they’re just not a team player. Kindly remind them that the only feedback you’re interested in involves who’s bringing dessert to the next board potluck.
By embracing these steps, you'll soon find yourself with an empty boardroom (or Zoom screen). But hey, at least you’ll have all that lasagna to yourself.
This is great and gave me a much needed laugh!